he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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