I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
