In the future we'll all be gay
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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