I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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