so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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