Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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