Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
