It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
