Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
