My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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