sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
