I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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