there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize