I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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