I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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