Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
