We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
