i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
