I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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