Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He better not be in your backpack
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
