She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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