Quick, to the slutcave!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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