Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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