Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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