Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.