I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad