Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
