The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I want to fling myself into the sun
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed