***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
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good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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