It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
