I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
