ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize