My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
