My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
