I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Less talking, more tequila
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
