2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
