It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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