Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
