If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
