I accidentally had phone sex last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
