Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
