And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
