You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
is that a dick in a sweater?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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