You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
