actually, I'm a sock model
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
