Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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