Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
