I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
