i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
