Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
