A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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