hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize