My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
