apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
