i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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