I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My balls are so social today.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
