Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
