I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
