It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
