and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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