Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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