So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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