I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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