You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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