dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
