I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
