You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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