who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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